In My Defense

I am sad.

Today I received an email, from someone who does not know me, but based on reading my blog (which is really only a fragment of my life) formed a skewed and hurtful opinion of me.

Let's call him Stevo.[I'm not angry, by the way, everyone's entitled to their opinions. But this post, is written in my defense... because if Stevo can feel this way after reading a few posts, then I hate to imagine what the masses must think of me]

Stevo wrote that I "horrify" him.

"You're obviously a serial dater, hanging out with many many men .Frankly, that is the last kind of person that I want to settle down with. Love should be unique and special, not something that results from endless dating and finally deciding to "pick someone". For me, promiscuity is about the least attractive characteristic a prospective partner could have."

First thing I need to clear up- having had many dates does not necessarily entail that I am or have been promiscuous.

Just because I have dated a lot of men, does not mean I live my life steeped in self-indulgent irresponsibility.

I have a goal. And that is to have a happy little family and be in a fulfillling monogamous relationship with one man. My quest to find this man, happens to take me on a very rocky and trying route. How is it fair that I am judged negatively on this. I never wished this upon myself.

I'm not dating to play the field or have wild nights and fun. I am looking to make a connection. Why sould I be persecuted because I have not managed to make this "connection" with the right person in the last 10 months of singlehood?

And yes, I have been dating a few people at a time in the last few months. Parallell dating. But I've actually whittled it down to one person now. But even that seems like it's not going to work and it seems likely I will have to eliminate him as well and start again.

When I first meet someone new, they're always full-on, messaging, calling, wanting to meet up. Then, after a couple of weeks, there's a stark contrast. A cool off, no daily msgs or calls. And when I do calll or message, it's "oh I've been so busy at work, Sweetie."

Oh come on...I know the game, "Oh I've been so busy at work, Sweetie." translates to "No, you're not perfect enough for me. But then again, you're nice and you're pretty, and I'm sure the minute I say No to you, you'll turn around and there'll be so many other men wanting to go out with you. And thus I'd lose you for good, so I don't want to cast you off just yet, just incase there's no one better out there. I will try dating around a bit but also selfishly keep you in tow."

So when it's so obvious that they're keeping their options open, why shouldn't I do just the same?

This last one who didn't get eliminated yet, well, I really like him. But I am not looking for a partner who goes out with me like once every week! What am I to do? Just wait around all week for him to call? I am starting to realise that this isn't going to be able to develop into a proper relationship. Hence the imminent elimination... I am not looking for something casual to fill my saturday evenings. Do you get what I mean?

Yet, at this stage, it's a bit psycho to expect to be a part of someone's routine and life just like that!

Dating is a two-way street. And if I feel like I am the one putting forth all of the effort, it’s a bad sign. Not only is it unfair, but also the reality is that a relationship that begins that way, usually stays that way, and rarely gets better with time.

Rather than being persistent with someone who does not appear to share my level of interest, I feel it is best to withdraw from the situation.

But then, I get judged as a player... a slut.. promiscuous!!!! :(

My own goals are always at the forefront, I am at a phase in life where I'm not looking to make more friends. I am looking for The One. I happen to have shit luck at finding him, so I have been dating so many mismatched men... does that mean I should just give up? Or just stick to a mismatched one and force it to work?

I keep on dating, and meeting new people in order to hopefully finally find one that fits. Maybe it's one of the guys I already know now. I don't know what the answer is.

I just want someone's hand to hold. Forever. (Please don't judge me harshly because of that)