Dear HJI was with my BF at a crowded pub last weekend. We also had a few other friends there.
There was a guy who wasn't part of my group standing behind me. I moved back and accidentally knocked his arm and he spilled his drink. Not all his drink, mind you, just a bit spilled out.
I said sorry, but he started shouting vulgarities at me. I told him it was an accident. But he got more aggressive. He didn't touch me, but his body language was very aggressive. I shouted at him to "BACK OFF!"
And I was getting more angry, and one of my friends ( a girl) pulled me back. After that our group moved to another place.
But my whole mood was spoilt because my BF was right beside me but he didn't defend me, or try to protect me, even when the guy was looking aggressive towards me. I told my BF about it and he said that he's not my bodyguard! I should handle these kind of situations myself and if he butt in, it would make the situation worse.
Maybe he's right? But I still feel like he was being a coward and did not defend me. Am I expecting too much?
TIA.
From,
My BF is a COWARD
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Dear My BF is a COWARD...
I would react the same way you did. I definitely expect my BF to be by my side to protect me. It's all part of the appeal of a man to me... that's why I'm not drawn to whimpy men.
Once, I had an argument with this crazy bloody aunty in the carpark at eastcoast (Years ago). ( about parking space) I even had to get out of the car to "talk" to her cos she was tapping on my window and shouting.
And guess where my BF was the whole time??? INSIDE THE CAR. He didn't even come out. After the lady left... he even had the cheek to say to me- "maybe we should park somewhere else... I'm afraid she'll come back to scratch my car." !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Super duper turn OFF.
Anyway, that was with a woman. And I think that if a BF doesn't want to step in when his GF is arguing with another woman.. it's ok.. maybe forgiveable. But your argument was with a MAN... I think your BF should have stepped in. I'm not saying he should get aggressive or physical.. but he should have made you feel safe and protected.
So I don't think you're over reacting.
Love,
Holly Jean.
P/s- what do you guys and girls think???
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A Few Updates:
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You know, everytime I go down to the Shiseido Office for my ettusais meet-ups/meetings/etc, I always stop by my favourite Spinelli's at Orchard Central.
.
And today, I had duck (yummmm) at Tungluk ( spell??) on the 11th floor. I didn't realise that all the upper floors are filled with restaurants.
.
I joined Orchard Central's Facebook page a while ago... there's loads going on there. And last Thursday, I went down to APE at Orchard Central to collect a Dell Lap Top. Not sure who I should thank for this... but thank you ppl at Orchard Central's Trend Hunting, Exposure photography, Kian Teck :)
Go join their Facebook page, to check out their giveaways etc.
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Lastly,
You have 3 more days to enter the lucky draw for the $300 Tangs shopping voucher.
Click :)
Bad advice.
ReplyDeleteAnother man stepping in often makes things worse. It escalates the situation, especially where alcohol is involved.
A mature guy is usually the one who will wait until it's absolutely necessary to step in. Or at least step in with a very pacifying approach.
Think about it - why do you think so many police forces around the world are so keen to recruit females? Because they've found that male policemen end up making the situation worse.
Plus, it massively depends on the subject matter. I don't expect to have to step in to 'protect' my girlfriend. If I had to do that, I'd see it as a huge failure of hers not to be able to carry herself, and resolve difficult situations on her own.
Maybe the carpark situation is a bit different, but when it comes to angry drunk guys, it's best to let them shout themselves out, and not intervene.
Only in very, very rare occassions these days would I ever think about rolling my sleeves up and 'protecting' my better half.
Bad advice.
ReplyDeleteAnother man stepping in often makes things worse. It escalates the situation, especially where alcohol is involved.
A mature guy is usually the one who will wait until it's absolutely necessary to step in. Or at least step in with a very pacifying approach.
Think about it - why do you think so many police forces around the world are so keen to recruit females? Because they've found that male policemen end up making the situation worse.
Plus, it massively depends on the subject matter. I don't expect to have to step in to 'protect' my girlfriend. If I had to do that, I'd see it as a huge failure of hers not to be able to carry herself, and resolve difficult situations on her own.
Maybe the carpark situation is a bit different, but when it comes to angry drunk guys, it's best to let them shout themselves out, and not intervene.
Only in very, very rare occassions these days would I ever think about rolling my sleeves up and 'protecting' my better half.
I think it really depends on the situation, i kinda agree with the above comment, although not entirely. As an adult woman being in that situation i wud definitely feel threatened, but i wud have enough sense to back away to protect myself. I wouldn't want my bf to step in actively if that guy is drunk, cuz the last thing we need is any physical fights or shouting matches. that's totally immature.
ReplyDeleteperhaps the only thing he cud do is just to come over and pull me away protectively, but if i had any sense i wud do that already myself.
Hate to break the perception you girls have about guys here. Stepping in is a sure way to escalate the situation and increase the chance of the girl getting hit - a guy will rarely attack a girl, but enter guy two and you've just added gasoline to the fire.
ReplyDeleteMost normal guys (me included) would defend my GF if the situation got worse but honestly, it doesn't make us whimpy that we don't step in straight away - ***it makes us superior***. You win a war using tactics and knowing when to strike not by staggering in and acting like you have the biggest cock in the room =)
I'd just try to nod to the guy in a "women eh?" look and take her away before she got us into any more trouble :D
Sorry!!
I don't think I would "expect" my partner to protect me, per se, but perhaps the way he told Tia, "I'm not your bodyguard" was a bit harsh. I agree that sometimes having another male step in would make the situation worse, the other fella would probably see it as "oh, so you want a fight?" sort of thing, then things would just get ugly.
ReplyDeleteI've not been caught in such a situation myself, and I don't know what I would have done if a man (can I use that term now if he's being such an overreacting jerk?)were to act aggressively towards me. Maybe I'll be the peacemaker and offer to buy him another drink. Then again, my (guy) friend accidentally spilt someone else's drink and offered to buy them another one, but they still gave him attitude. Can't stand it when people don't accept apologies graciously, especially when a little spilt drink is such a small matter, you know..in comparison to .. terrorism and world hunger :P
hmmm i checked merriam webster n dictionary.com n neither gave the definition of 'lemming' as u described!
ReplyDeleteI would've stepped in and told him to chill out or else i'd beat him down.But if he wasn't scared of my threat and was going to hit me I'd either
ReplyDeletea) use my girlfriend as a shield against his punches
b) offer my girlfriend to him in an exchange for my safety, and maybe 10 bucks for cab fare home.
Jimbo - Good plan but I have utilised a 3rd tactic which has proved successful in this situation. Slowly move away from the affray then throw your beer bottle at the guy in question and then leg it like your being chased by Elin Woods with with a pitching wedge in her hand. If u hit hit him you are saviour and if you miss u have escaped un-scathed with your gf having to deal with the situation, which she started in the first place, there's plenty more fish in the sea!!
ReplyDeleteGood plan Steve, but remember, if your bottle does miss, then the bitch owes you a beer..and a BJ for effort.
ReplyDeletehahahahahahaahaaa jimbo and stevie are hilarious.
ReplyDeleteid say when girls meant for u guys to step in as in just even a small intervene to hold the gf away from the situation would suffice. no need for any words, confrontation or what. we dont expect u guys to step up and say something for us. just a feeling of being present and being beside us. what we meant as being cowardly is u guys stepping further n further away or remain stationary looking not part of it from us in such situations.
ReplyDelete@anon11.52.. I don't mean lemming as in the rodent. I don't think there's a dictionary for girly shopping jargon.
ReplyDeleteFor instance, "Holy Grail" refers to a certain product which is the user's absolute favourite and she/he keeps coming back to that product. But of course the dictionary meaning is a whole different thing.
:)
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@jimbo & Stevie.. hilarious! Made me laugh
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I dont think the BF needs to be aggressive to protect his GF. But yes, he needs to either step in and protect his GF by pulling her away, standing close to her, or speaking calmly to the thug and offer to buy him another drink or something.
I'd be pissed off if tht guy was shouting at me, and my bf just watched and pretended he didnt know me!
@ holly
ReplyDeletewhy do you need a guy to do those things you mention above?
you are more than capable of speaking calmly to the person, or buying them a drink to smooth things over
clearly we all agree that your BF shouldn't pretend he doesn't know you (duh, obviously), but don't try to bounce that argument into saying he should do all the BASIC common sense stuff that you should be doing yourself.
don't be such a romantic - difficult situations need to be handled with common sense by the 2 people who have the disagreement
The guy is a pussy that's for sure. No one is saying he has to fight the guy, but he can negotiate with the guy and try to get him to calm down. No violence is needed.
ReplyDeletecan you imagine if the girl ends up marrying the guy and if they have a baby, on the delivery day he'd be like "eww blood gross I'm not going into the room with you", and when the baby shits "eww poo sick I'm not cleaning it up". He's a big pussy.
ReplyDeletecan you imagine if the girl ends up marrying the guy and if they have a baby, on the delivery day he'd be like "eww blood gross I'm not going into the room with you", and when the baby shits "eww poo sick I'm not cleaning it up". He's a big pussy.
ReplyDeleteWell, I guess end of the day it is solely up to the guy if he wants to stick up for his girl or not. I remembered getting chided by my boyfriend for not telling him I got groped in the club. Surprisingly, guys date weaker girls, having the MCP idea of protecting them. So is chivalry dead? After all, it is merely helping your girlfriend. That's not exactly something that hard to do.
ReplyDeleteif tats the case, i will prefer that i wouldnt need a bf cuz its just having me alone to fend for myself. I agree too if alcohol invlove, between man it may get impulsive. a fight will sure happen.. But i guess this is the very normal reaction whereby yr bf will stand out for u no matter what things happen.
ReplyDeletei know this is pretty irrelevant to your post, but could you do a review on your phone (LG Eve)?
ReplyDeleteAs a girl, I'd want my BF to protect me. I mean, i always think that both should protect each other, not only guys.
ReplyDeleteBut It kinda depends on different situations though. For the drunk situation, I think it'd be better if the BF pulled her away and tell her it's alright instead of saying what he just said. I'd get pissed off too if I were her.
Well, if i were the girl and the BF just sits there and does nothing....firstly, the drunken guy will fly across the room first from my tae kwon do tactics...then if he tries one more time, his face will be re-arranged big time...why wait for a man to defend you? they are just bullshit and bunch of shit. whack them up first that is why girls should have their self-defence moves handy
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, don't use "big pussy" to scold men by using female genitalia, after all you came out of one yourself unless your Momma had a C section. Call him wimpy ass or lame dick alright? After all this is a girl's blog...don't degrade women by using female body parts to categorize lame men..I am sure they got their fair share of vocabularly using male itty bitty bits...size does matter...
ReplyDelete